the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She bit a glass in half.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
