screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
