So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
