hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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