i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
