Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
