My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
