It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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