I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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