elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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