I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
