I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
