Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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