Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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