so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im holly from the hills drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
