you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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