fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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