Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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