Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
whose parrot is this?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
