I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
