Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You don't make any sense
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