a queef is a wish your heart makes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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