I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
