I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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