I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
