I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
