I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
