Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
