Nicole vs. Life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
