Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
