I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
COCAINE IS GR8
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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