You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
