wat bout pragnant strippers??
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
