No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize