I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
