I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
