fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
