smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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