pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
