just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
