he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
