In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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