i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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