shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
