know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize