If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im holly from the hills drunk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
