The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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