I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
