so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
