we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
These tits shall not be calmed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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