Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
bring money and cleavage
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
