I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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