I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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