I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
