I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
