hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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