She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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