I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize