What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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