I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
organizing the empties. That sober.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
