he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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