This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize