Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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