im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I deserve this hangover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
