i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
