I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
