What did we do last night that was yellow?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
