Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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