Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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