i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
