Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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