Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
