Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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