I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
