The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize