using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
