Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
