there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
