I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
