Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can you bring me the toilet please
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
