the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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