my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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