MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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