just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
